Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Tuesday Top Five: Fashion Trends

Thanks to my mother, this weeks Double Feature (With Pictures!) Tuesday Top Five:

"Scott's Top 5 Worst and Best Current Fashion Trends"

I think that I should preface this with something that most of you know... I don't do fashion very well. My wardrobe consists of three primary items: 1st Keens (or more and more my Finger Shoes), 2nd Dickies (either Charcoal, Black, Khaki, Red, or Navy) and a T Shirt (if you are going by probability, most likely black). I don't branch out for a number of reasons, mainly I think it is silly to buy clothes if you already have a closet full of them. And the clothes that I wear happen to last for a long time. This all being said, I give the following as my personal opinion that I think is essentially flawed, so don't take this too seriously. Oh... and don't even get me started on my view of hair.

Also, the photos are not mine. They are the parties who they belong to.

"The Worst (aka Don't do this)"

1) Uggs and Short Skirts/Short Shorts
Never a good idea.
I just threw up a little in my mouth writing that title. I don't think this is as big of a thing now, but I still see it occasionally. For those of you who do not know: Uggs are soft sheepskin 'boots' that became popular in the 2000's. Women occasionally would pair these boots with short skirts, or short shorts. I understand that Uggs are hard shoes to dress with... just like clown shoes are. But you can not seriously think that looks attractive, and I know it is not comfortable. The combination of a liberal covering of the ankles and bottom of the shin, put up against the bare skin from there to the upper thigh is just wrong. On a matter of practicality it is off as well, you are going to have sweaty feet, or have really cold legs.

2) Low Pants.
Stop the Sag.
This is a two-fer. First: baggy pants, most notably associated with the 'urban youth.' This epidemic is raging fiercely in Pittsburgh. Apparently this is called sagging. My favorite sighting: A guy with pants really low, wearing boxers that were also a little low, with something else (briefs? other boxers? b-briefs?) under those. He was wearing underwear for his underwear. This is a fashion I just don't get, it looks uncomfortable, you always have to hold your pants up... I feel as though if I ever get mugged I am just going to pants the guy and run away. On a side note, I am a little amazed at the gravity defying nature of the fashion. When I see a guy crossing the street with pants closer to his knees than his waist, I am kind of expecting them to fall, and am always amazed when they do not.

*I want to keep my blog free of trashy pictures.*
*Thus I am not posting a picture of this...*

Second: Tight Pants. I am making a point on this one to clarify: I am not being gender specific, this goes for both guys and girls. If the rest of the world can see what color your underwear is... from their peripheral vision, it is time to buy either bigger pants, or better cut pants. Also, if you have to keep hiking them up, that is just drawing attention to your situation. Girls, if you think it is attractive to show off your bum, we already have a name for that, it has been around for a while: Plumbers Butt.
3) Fashion Frames
That is not a real pipe either...
Cory, yes, you Cory, are the first person to introduce me to the horrible thing that you called 'fashion frames.' This 'accessory' has become very popular with the Hippster culture and other alternative 'fashion.' All of a sudden it became cool to have glasses, especially big, black, rimmed ones. People will get prescription-less glasses as accessories to their 'ironic' outfits. Hey, Jerks! There are some of us who have to wear glasses. We don't have a choice in the matter. It is not like we can decide that we are going to go with a different prevailing trend that rejects glasses... we are still going to be wearing glasses. Because we have to. If your body is messed up, and you cannot see without glasses sure, go for it, you can accessorize with your glasses. But if you don't need glasses... that is just slapping the rest of us in the face. Occasionally I don't like walking, but that does not mean I am going to start using a wheelchair to get around because it is convenient.

4) Socks with Keens (or Tevas)
You are doing it wrong.
Dad, I am sorry but you occasionally fall in to this category. I see this the most with middle aged and up men, who are trying to be outdoors-y but need to keep it classy due to monkey-suit culture. Church is great for seeing these guys. Polo. Check. Dockers. Check. Brown Belt. Check. Brown Socks. Check. Brown Keens. ..... No... not ok. Put on brown loafers. Sandals we meant to be worn without socks, let your feet be free. Socks are meant to be worn inside of shoes, they don't like being looked at.

5) Fauxhawks
Even though this is one of my favorite actors... not ok.
I know some would argue that this is not 'fashion' but style, but I am going to group it in. For the record, a Fauxhawk would be styling medium length hair in to a fan on the top of the head. This looks similar to a Mohawk, but the shaving, or cutting of the hair on the side of the head is not required. Having a fauxhawk does not make you cool. It makes you look like you are trying to be cool, but are failing at it. If you want a Mohawk, get a Mohawk. Anything less just makes you look like a poser that is not willing to make the commitment to the hair style. This falls in line with tattoo sleeves (I mean the cloth ones... not real tattoos), clip on piercings and the dreaded hair extension.

"The Best (aka. We Need More of This)"
1) Suspenders
Pretty much what I look like in suspenders... all tan and skinny.
Belts are useful, but suspenders are one of the greatest clothing inventions known to man. And it makes me sad that they have fallen out of fashion. Don't worry, I now have two pairs (serious ones... not my Santa ones or my Red Lumber Jack ones) and I wear them as often as I can find a reason to. I have keep them very strictly to the 'dress' clothes. I have not attempted to wear them casually... yet. There really are two types of men in the world, Men who wear suspenders because they know they are great, and Men who will eventually find out this truth.
2) Bow Ties
Ok, this is mine.
As has been recently posted about, I have entered the bow tie world headfirst. There is something refined about a bow tie. I know that in the south this is far more commonplace, but the rest of America needs to get with the program. You you have to wear a tie, you always have the option of a bow tie. Don't get me wrong, I love normal neck ties, but a Bow tie, there is something else. Yes, it takes significantly more skill to tie, but hey, you will stand out.

3) Comfortable Shorts
It should be noted that a shirt can be worn...
I have already stated that I enjoy shorts. This is not a call to action for that... I would like to point out a fashion for women that is often over looked, possibly just on the grounds that it is counter to the normal: Comfortable shorts. I have heard a lot of girls say that shorts are uncomfortable because they are too short... Mine are not too short, and I know that they make girls shorts that fit well, yet are knee length. I don't really have anything against short-shorts and I don't have anything against Capris or longer-than-shorts-but-not-pants pants. But normal, knee length shorts can look good, and be comfortable for girls too!

4) Bright Colors
That is orange...
I remember on Super Bowl Sunday I saw Randy wearing a very bright yellow dress shirt with a black tie. I thought to myself... "Hey, I could do that..." I think that the next time I have to go buy shirts, I am going to invest in a few brighter colored ones. Especially ones that can go with my vast array of red and blue ties (at the moment I don't really have any shirts to wear with them. This may be due to the general darkness of my clothes, either black or gray... or it could be inspired by Andy from The Office... 
5) Modern Interpretations of Traditional Clothing
Also what I look like when I wear my kilt...
I think we need to have more modern interpretations of traditional clothing. The utilikilt is simply the start of what I am thinking of. There are so many styles and outfits that are great, but people shy away from them because they seem out of place. I think we need modern twists on great and iconic garments. I would totally wear lederhosen (to be honest traditional or modern...), kimonos, corsets, buckles and breaches, tri-point hats... These things are so impressive, yes have fallen to antiquity. Instead of making new fashions, I think we should start re-interpreting old fashion.


  1. Scott's fashion guide... WOW. And a twofer! And you didn't even have an entry on Keens and finger shoes (but I guess you gave mention to them in the intro). Personally I like the pic I have of you and Drew playing golf in "classic" attire.

  2. I'm sorry, I am still laughing. Socks don't like to be seen, did you get this info first hand in an interview? Or was it second hand off the street, I mean the laundry basket? If first hand was it a dress sock or a tube sock, which was sad because he wasn't running a marathon?